Mom

I had the best kind of dream last night.  My mom gave me a great big hug and told me not to worry, that she knew.


Two days ago, the writing prompt for my 750 Words entry was "The last time I saw her, she..."  Of course, the first person who popped in my mind was my mother.  She contracted cancer when I was 18 years old and died from it in 1991 when I was 20.  I'm afraid I wasn't the ideal daughter during this time, and it's something I've regretted my entire life since, my only life regret, in fact.  I loved my mother, our relationship was fine, but when she got sick, I distanced myself from her.  In hindsight, I can plainly see why I did that, but it doesn't change how she must have been hurt by it, and how ashamed and awful I still feel about it.

In my writing entry, I fiercely apologized to her and expressed all the things I should have said to her and all the things I should have done for her at the time.  I wondered if she knew that I loved her, if she understood what was going on with me and forgave me for it.  My mom sacrificed a lot for us, my brother and me, and I failed her at the worst time of her short life.


Last night, in one of those lucid dreams that feel amazingly real, she walked up to me with a knowing smile and gave me the warmest, most loving hug.  I could feel the warmth of her body and smell the scent of her unique self.  I could feel the love she felt for me and I returned it.  We just stood there, holding each other, and that was the dream.