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Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Mom



I had the best kind of dream last night.  My mom gave me a great big hug and told me not to worry, that she knew.


Two days ago, the writing prompt for my 750 Words entry was "The last time I saw her, she..."  Of course, the first person who popped in my mind was my mother.  She contracted cancer when I was 18 years old and died from it in 1991 when I was 20.  I'm afraid I wasn't the ideal daughter during this time, and it's something I've regretted my entire life since, my only life regret, in fact.  I loved my mother, our relationship was fine, but when she got sick, I distanced myself from her.  In hindsight, I can plainly see why I did that, but it doesn't change how she must have been hurt by it, and how ashamed and awful I still feel about it.






In my writing entry, I fiercely apologized to her and expressed all the things I should have said to her and all the things I should have done for her at the time.  I wondered if she knew that I loved her, if she understood what was going on with me and forgave me for it.  My mom sacrificed a lot for us, my brother and me, and I failed her at the worst time of her short life.


Last night, in one of those lucid dreams that feel amazingly real, she walked up to me with a knowing smile and gave me the warmest, most loving hug.  I could feel the warmth of her body and smell the scent of her unique self.  I could feel the love she felt for me and I returned it.  We just stood there, holding each other, and that was the dream.



8 comments:

  1. Wow, amazing. Thank you for sharing. XOXO. Mandy

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  2. This gave me chills. What a lovely dream. Hugs my friend!

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  3. Thank you, ladies. This dream has been with me all morning, I felt compelled to write about it. I appreciate your kind words. :)

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  4. That is the most beautiful dream. Yes, I think she knows :)

    On the other hand, from the regret, we learned to treat others the best way we can. (am I making any sense?)

    Thank you for sharing such a special episode.

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  5. Meri, that makes total sense. My outlook on things certainly did change after that. Thank you.

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  6. UGH! Here you have me bawling at my desk as I was just looking for a way to spend my last 10 min before leaving for our 4 day weekend! Well I dont know if it was my pregnancy hormones or not, but I feel dearly for your pain and regret. And I honestly believe that your mother really came to you in your dream and knows what you feel in your heart and wants you to be at peace finally.

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  7. Thank you, Loralyn. It was a cathartic experience and I'm out on the other side now. I appreciate your compassion..you are a dear friend. Enjoy every single moment with both your daughter *and* your mother. Happy New Year!

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